The guiltier the conscience, the greater the need to blame it on others...

I find myself to be very unhappy. Honestly, I've found it's mostly because I get tired of people accusing me of the things they do themselves. A guy that wants to 'be with me' constantly questions my sexual past not only because of what he has been through in other relationships but because of his own (largely nondiscriminatory) sexual history. No matter what, he assumes I am some kind of floozy just waiting to be unfaithful to him- yet he just can't understand why I won't jump into a relationship with him. My mother always tells me I am 'irresponsible' and that my priorities are screwed up- yet I have successfully run three businesses, all by the time I was 32. I write freelance now and make a decent living at it. She was the one married 4 times and doesn't even know who my sister's father is. My children's (absent) father had nerve enough to call CPS and stir things up by telling them that I was neglectful- then up and disappeared. Again. My dad and sister, whom I avoid at all costs and told I want NO contact with, called the police and CNN to tell them I was missing/dead to try and trick them into finding my place of residence. Then they called ME crazy and threatened to take my kids and put ME in a psychiatric unit.

The problem is, I finally up and moved to get away from everyone but then lost the house I was renting in a hurricane a couple years ago and had to move back to the state- and the people- I desperately ran from. While I was in my home by the sea, I had the chance to finally create the life I always wanted. Left to my own devices with no family or friends nearby I created a quiet, unassuming, drama free life. I homeschooled my kids, kept a vegan diet, jogged everyday, stayed single and celibate for the entire time and really at last found my peace. Then the hurricane came and I haven't had the funds to move back.

Being back in the state where I first started, I find myself in the midst of the hell that made me run in the first place. It's been nothing but all the same crap I left behind. I am miserable, sad and angry. I feel I am surrounded by the most unhappy, neurotic people who somehow think their life is my fault. I'm so sad. I still haven't gotten over losing our home- or the life we had. I'm not happy with the schools, my kids aren't happy. They want to go back 'home' too- and they were raised in this state! I feel robbed. And I'm sick of trying to find my peace around a bunch of neurotic people who can't stand to not have some kind of disaster in their life. This kind of stuff actually makes me physically ill- I NEED peace and quiet to stay healthy!

I feel like my friends and family want me in their life and to be in mine but they always trying to drag their trash in with them and mistakenly feel I am obligated to be miserable too- and are quite offended when I don't or won't. If it's not some disaster, it's always about what is 'wrong', going wrong, missing or absent. I want to appreciate what IS and simply be ok with life, even if a little rain does fall every once in a while. I dislike being around such negative people and I'm tired of- what feels like- them trying to beat me down by pointing out everything that's wrong with me, the world, life, etc. I don't do this to them and I DON'T want to live in that mindset. They won't come out of it- I'm not giving into it. But the constant battle is draining. What do I do and how am I to maintain my sanity?