relationship going down the drain

Dear John Q,

I am 19 years old, soon to be 20. My boyfriend is 21. Needless to say, we are both very young. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years- since I was 17. We have had a great relationship. I can truly say he is my best friend and I love him with all of my heart. However, recently things have changed. For about the past year or so he has not wanted to have sex. In the beginning of our relationship we had a great, normal, healthy sex life. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week. Now, I'm lucky if I get sex once a month and the sex only lasts for a few minutes. He seems fine with this. We've talked and argued and nearly broken up about it. I'm very unhappy. I've asked if it's because I'm too fat or because of his family issues (his mom is an avid drug user and alcoholic). Or if it's because of some issue he's never discussed before. I thought maybe he was under a lot of stress and that when we transfered to the college that we are currently attending 4 hours away from home that it would make it all better. (we were attending a different college and commuting from our homes) Well, here we are, 4 hours from home and he still doesn't want sex. I am tired of begging and pleading. It has gotten to the point where I now feel rather unattractive and would rather not have sex... at least not with him. I have lost all the desire in the world to even try. What baffles me is that he is so young. I thought most guys his age are supposed to want sex all the time. We have gotten to the point where we are not intimate at all. I will ask him for a back rub and he will complain that he doesn't want to have to "do a chore." If I do mention sex, he tells me "its too much work." I don't even like kissing him anymore. We do kiss. And we hold hands. It just doesn't feel like anything.

The situation gets even worse than that. He doesn't like drinking because of his mother. That's fine. But he doesn't like me drinking because of his mother either. He gets irate if I go out to a party or have a few drinks with some friends. So I have, for the most part, quit drinking. However, I don't see how this is fair. I am in college. Parties are a part of college life. Friends have stopped asking me to come out because they know that I will say no or he will get mad. We spend every waking second together. I need me time. I need girl time. He doesn't get this. My friends are his friends so he takes offense when I want to go out without them because then he will be all by himself. I'm frustrated. He's supposed to be not just a boyfriend, but a friend. And a good friend would understand this.

Also, he has become very negative. He complains all the time. He constantly makes comments to me about other people that are rude and cut them down. No ones perfect, I gossip too. But he is worse than a girl. A lot of the time, he has even been making these comments about me. He's always judging me. When I say something to him about how he hurt my feelings or I don't care about what he thinks of other people, he gets defensive and mad. He's become a huge procrastinator. He slacks in class and hardly ever does his work. He doesn't study. In some of the classes that we have together, when we have a project, I usually end up doing the work and putting his name on it.

Our relationship has gotten to the point where I consider him a friend more than a boyfriend. But the thought of being without him cuts me up inside. One third of me wants to stay, one third of me feels obligated to stay because I talked him into coming to school so far away from home (and hes really family oriented), and the other third of me wants to see other people. I don't know if we are just staying together because of comfort or not. I know when we graduate, I have every intention of moving to a big city away from home, and he wants to move back to the area we came from. But there is nothing there for me. No job opportunities. Nothing. I love him. I really do. And I want things to work. But I don't know if we are too far gone. Please help! I don't know what to do.