I'm the girl who has been with the boyfriend one year, and feels confused about her feelings. I don't know why i feel this way he is not such a bad person because he has done things for me that are very sweet when it comes to taking care of me but i don't know why lately he has been texting or chatting every night. Then i get that gut feeling that he might be wanting to meet other people. What should I do? I don't want to feel this way, I don't tell him nothing any more about him chatting or texting because i don't want to argue with him but i just keep it inside and sometimes i feel like it's turning into anger.
bluewolf and bunny:
You're not as confused as you think you are. Your hurt feelings are appropriate. We would like to go through your letter point by point.
1.Not being romantic is not unusual in too many guys unfortunately. The question is, Is this a deal breaker? Do you need someone who is romantic? If you do it is time to look elsewhere.
2.True, you are not married, and he has no obligation to tell you everything but you have no obligation to stay with someone who either doesn't trust you or isn't trustworthy himself. It's obvious to us that he has an online life that excludes you and to think that once he is married he will put an end to that part of himself is, frankly, to much to expect.
3. We are confident that you have enough experience with the Internet to know that that much typing isn't necessary in simply surfing the web. You are NOT over-reacting. It is clear that he prefers his evening chats with his one-line girlfriends over a real life conversation with you. We understand that he can be sweet at times but to us it seems rather self-serving. The rest of the time you are playing second fiddle.
4. Any guy who says "It's no big deal if I talk to girls whenever I want and you better not have a problem with it", while refusing to allow you the same courtesy of having male friends is self-centered, hypocritical, and over-domineering. Do you consider this to be husband material?
5. Your anger is not misplaced. And neither is your resentment. You deserve a real man who will treat you honestly, fairly and with respect. Demand it and settle for nothing less. It is NOT better to be miserable with somebody than to be "alone". If this guy doesn't think you are worth spending time with or having conversations with right now, there is little chance that this will improve. This is what we believe. If you told a honorable man that you had a problem with his on-line relationships his response would be to drop what he was doing sweep you off your feet and say "I am so sorry that I didn't realize that I was hurting you. That on-line stuff is history". By contrast we think this guy would possibly either make a half-hearted effort to apologize, or simply accuse you of over-reacting, and then do a better job of hiding it from you.
This phenomenon of carrying on multiple conversations at once, we feel, is an unfortunate consequence of instant messaging technology. There was a time when it would have been unthinkable to carry on a conversation with one person while simultaneously talking about something completely different to other people concurrently. While this is possible on-line we believe it is unacceptable in real life as it precludes intimate conversations. To the entire community of texters we would like to plead with you to put that phone in your pocket and leave it there while you are involved in conversation with somebody in real life, especially the one you profess to love.