I'm currently in a 1 year 5 months relationship, but a few weeks ago i started feeling very weird I get very anxious and for some reason nervous the same feeling I had when I found out my ex boyfriend cheated on me. Well through out our relationship we had encounter problems but we always solve them. He can be very sweet loving caring at times. But recently he has been very distant from me he doesn't say he loves me like he use to say it (often). He plays with me like if I'm one of his guy friends. He recently told me he loved me and i added to that comment "DO YOU REALLY" and he got so angry saying i was over reacting and what not, and he didn't answer the question. I hanged up on him because i wasn't in the mood to hear that. He called me back 30min later and said yes baby i really do love you alto, and so on. But I feel like he is not showing me that affection that I need that attention that I want from him, and when I try to talk to him about it he gets mad. Saying that I don't see the good things he does for me that I only see the bad. But to be honest I haven't seen anything recently that he has done for me. He doesn't take me out because he never has money, which money is not a problem because I have told him before if I have money not to worry about it. But he does have time to go out with his friends, and buy beer. If I tell him I wanna go out and do something like go to the beach at night or to a park or anywhere. He always not in the mood to go out or doesn't have money, or too tired. It frustrates me because I tell him that he can do many things with his friends and have so much fun. But when it comes down to hanging out with me it seems like an issue all the time. What can i do? What can I say to make him hear what I am feeling without him getting all aggravated about it?
CAHOON:
I think he's getting aggravated because he is conflicted within himself. If he is not cheating, he may be thinking about it. He is not saying I love you as much, etc. because he is distancing himself. Your intuition is correct, just don't let your imagination run with it. There definitely seems to be some issue (even if he is just battling it out in his mind). Address it and say you know something is different. Point out that things have definitely changed and you can't keep doing things this way. If he denies it, you have to stand your ground and say that if he expects to stay with you that you need to see a change. I know it seems hard to be demanding in a time where you feel he may be drifting away emotionally, but that is the best thing you can do. You're worth more than that and he and you need to know it and show it. Trust me, I've been exactly where you are. Nothing ever happened but the seed was planted in his head and he drifted emotionally. I took a stand and suddenly my old boyfriend came back. It was very hard to get to taking a stand but once I did it, I not only felt more whole and loved by myself...but he also realized what an idiot he's been for distancing himself from me. Personally, I still need to distance myself from my boyfriend of two years because even though I have him back, so to speak, I need to know that he is the one for me: one who values me through thick and thin. It seems you may be in the same position. It's better to be single and respect yourself than be in a relationship where you both disrespect you. Hang in there. Also, when you talk to him, don't blame him of anything...cuz he may have not done anything. The main problem is that he is acting differently and that's not what you want from him. You should be able to have a lover who is your best friend and can talk to you openly. I think his guilt is making him deny things and get angry with you that you would question his love...cuz to be honest he may be questioning his love as well. Good luck.