I need to say something to be truly happy and not explode like a rocket (2) responses
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Sorry everyone, I lost the number to add an update on my post, but I will keep it to me this time so that I can update again. Thank you Sweetone for saying that, I am sure that she feels the same way now and is open and accepting to it. Harleygirl, thank you for saying this, it really does help me, and that was what I think best describes what I need to do. Marinemj, I have been through a ton of stuff in my lifetime that has been bad, but I have come over what has happened and am doing better since then. I have seen a councilor, this needed to be done after the court case that happened over a year ago. I am extremely shy, and have little to any confidence, and this is what truly keeps me from saying anything. I just let them know that they are like a mom to me, as I could and should have done months ago, and I cried tears of joy the entire time. It felt extremely wonderful to get it out. But truly that is about 35% of what I needed to say. And Marinemj, truly all I am trying to work out is where I live, there have been a number of things that i have needed to work through with my mother and her family being the way they are, but this person helped me through all of it. Harleygirl, thank you for giving me advice about what to say, it truly does and will help, the only thing that I am trying to do is actually say it, and my nervous feelings sometimes prevent me from doing what I need to do, and things like this happen, where I end up venting all at once before I explode. Thank you for all of your help, truly, it will help me, and if you have any other advice, I could really use it. Thank you!

Thank you so much Harleygirl, I believe that I am going to try a letter. I must draft one that I feel includes all I need it to say. Thank you so much for the idea, and for having great advice. :)

For an update, I am going to be able to stay with this person for a week while my dad is out of town. I have written a letter, but I'm trying to figure out when and what is the best way to give her this letter. I have thought about giving it to her when I am gone, by leaving it on the table or something, but I am afraid that I may become too scared to leave it there. What are your thoughts on when and in what way I should give her the letter I have written? Thank you! :)

There's no way I can mail it before going to her house tomorrow after school. So, now that I will be there and at school during the day, what should I do with the letter that I printed? Thank you so much for all of your help. :)

Thank you Harleygirl. :) I do not have a room there, but I could certainly go outside, or put it somewhere she will discover when she is at work or when I am away. Thank you so much for all of your help. I just don't want things to be weird possibly after I give her the letter, when we have the entirety of the week to go. Also, when during the week should I give her the letter? Thank you so much for all of your help. :)

Dear Bluewolf and Bunny,
thank you so much for your advice, you are truly kind and well composed. :) Thank you so much for thinking that my thoughts are thorough and insightful. :) I agree that if I were to read her the letter that it would be much more effective than leaving it for her to find. The current update is that I did stay with her all week, and I LOVED it! I felt so loved, accepted, and truly, for once, at home. :) I went to bed with a folder in which enclosed the letter that I have written, and I ended up crying myself to sleep 3/4 of the nights that I stayed there. It was an incredibly busy week, and we never really had any down time, in which would have been perfect to give her the letter, and truly, if we had downtime, I am worried that I might of become too scared to give it to her then. I am now back at my dad's house, and it's fine, but it is very apparent that it is not the same. If and when I do tell her how I am feeling, and give her the letter, I will need to speak with my dad. And more about that, he has always said that he wants to know how I am feeling, even if it might hurt his, because he feels that what I feel would make me the most happy is the most important. I was sat down maybe a month ago, by my dad and step mom, who were afraid that I might want to move back to where my mother lives because they felt that I acted saddened and depressed, and just not happy. What I could not tell them then, and at that moment, was that I was not thinking of moving back with my mother, nor could I ever, but I was thinking about moving in with my old field director, because that is where I feel at home. That pained me more I believe than any other conversation I have had with my father. Now that I am back at his house, I can just tell, I do not feel the same, and I long to have that week over again, even if it was busy, and hectic, and chaotic, it was SO worth it. I have never felt more at home truly. And I hate myself for chickening out as they would say. I know that I should eventually grow out of my being shy, but today is not that day, and I am truly working on being less shy and have actually made some improvements. :) Your words truly touched my heart, and thank you for being so kind and sincere. You advice and any advice on what to do now would be extremely appreciated if at all possible. I will probably not see her for a while, but she has said that she wants me to come back soon, and often. :) I just don't know what to do now. But the best thing about that week, was that she would constantly say "I want you to feel at home" and in the process, even at the beginning, made it feel like home, with everything, big things, and small subtle things. Any way, I won't go into everything now, but thank you all so much for everything! :)

asked by mainedemocraticyouth on Monday, March 1, 2010 - 18:53 and last updated on Monday, March 15, 2010 - 09:38

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Answers

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harleygirl:

Perhaps if you're nervous about saying what you need to say in person, it might be better to approach things in a letter, because then you can think things through. You can say the important things and make sure you don't leave anything out, and then when your Stand-in Mom reads it, she can absorb it all before you try to talk to her in person. That way, it should talk a lot of the pressure off of you. She might be able to talk to your dad for you, also, and explain how hard this had been for you. Just remember, the hardest thing is to hold all of this inside, and once you get it out, you'll be less stressed, and you'll find things aren't as bad and scary as you thought.

2010-03-01 21:18
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harleygirl:

I think you should go ahead and mail it before you lose your nerve. That will give her a chance to read it and perhaps you two can talk while you're staying with her.

2010-03-07 16:39
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harleygirl:

In that case, I would hand it to her and say, "I've written you this letter, because you mean so much to me." Then maybe go to the room they've given you or walk outside or something. If she's going to work while you're there, put it in her purse. Slip it under her door at night. There are all kinds of things you could do.

2010-03-07 20:51
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bluewolf and bunny:

Dear mainedemocraticyouth: We are very impressed by you in a number of ways. You are very caring, compassionate and introspective. You write very well and your thoughts are thorough and insightful, and we appreciate the difficulty of your situation. However, we are very happy that you've had some loving adults who have made a positive impact on you and truly care about you.
A letter is fine, and given your shyness is certainly a good way to organize your thoughts and to make sure that you don't forget to say something you wanted to say. Given your shyness we are not sure if you would be willing to do this but we feel that reading the letter to your Stand in Mom would be best. We are confident that she would prefer to hear these words of appreciation directly from you. Simply leaving it for her to find is certainly okay but hearing you read it would be so much more meaningful. In addition it would give her the opportunity to talk with you about it and further the conversation.
There is a problem that hasn't been fully discussed yet, which you alluded to, and that is your dad's feelings. If you tell your stand in mom that you want to live with her the next step is that she or you will have to speak to your dad. Since both of us are parents we are confident that your dad will wonder why you didn't talk with him about it. It may be a good idea to write a letter to your dad as well in which you tell him everything you have told all of us praising him for everything he has done for you. Let him know that while you appreciate him and love him as a dad and have no desire to replace him that you are trying to sort out your feelings for your stand in mom and your need to be with her also. Is there a possibility that the two adults could have "joint custody" of you? Also don't forget that you are not solely responsible for the conversation and that there will probably be a time, quite soon, where all of you will have to get together to talk this out. Our assumption is that it will come to a satisfactory conclusion mainly because they obviously love you very much and truly want whats best for you.
We understand your shyness as we were both very shy when we were younger. Don't let that define you! You can grow out of it as we have once you understand that people love you just the way you are.

2010-03-08 16:10
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bluewolf and bunny:

Dear mainedemocraticyouth;
Thank you so much for those kind words in your letter to us. We feel this is a good opportunity to give you a tiny glimpse into who "we" are. The reason we write this together is because bluewolf is a truck driver and bunny is at home on the computer. We are on the phone 90% of the day with each other and one of the things that helps bluewolf stay awake and alert during these long trips is by reading and answering some of these letters with bunny's help.
We didn't answer your letter initially because we felt that you had had some wonderful suggestions by marinemj, harleygirl and sweetone. Your response to their letters moved us so much that we felt compelled to write to you because we wanted to let you know that we were impressed by your obvious intelligence, character and sincerity. We hope you don't think we are handing you some insincere flowery praise and flattery, we are not flattering you at all just offering you the truth as we see it. We honestly believe that you have a great future ahead of you.
We are very happy that your dad is so understanding, caring and truly wants the best for you. Since you are not going to be back with your field director for some time we don't believe that you should wait to speak to her first. Your dad wants to help you but he doesn't yet know what you want. Now is the time to tell him. If he was a different sort of dad this could prove to be very difficult. However you have nothing to fear from him. This is what you should do. Write down what you want to say to your dad in the form of notes rather than a long letter. The notes are to help you keep your thoughts together so that you can open a discussion. You should start out by telling him that you love him and that you appreciate everything he does for you and that you don't want to lose him as a dad and that you have no intention of returning to your mom. Remind him that he wanted to know how he could help you to be happy and then tell him about how happy you were last week and why. If he doesn't know the history of your experience with your field director this would be a great time to tell him. Tell him that you like being here with him but that you also really miss being there with her, and would he help you work out some kind of living arrangement that would allow you to spend time at both places. This could be similar to joint custody though not in a legal sense. At this point, now that your dad understands you better, you will be able to put away your notes and simply have a discussion.
As for "chickening out" don't beat yourself up about it since it was obviously not the right time. There would be no harm, after your discussion with your dad, in picking up the phone, calling her, tell her that you want to read her a letter you wrote to her, and then read it. If this scares you just remind yourself that hearing you read what you wrote would be thrilling and a huge compliment to her. (bunny says it is going to melt her heart. :))
Way To Go!!! in making improvements about your shyness. As you grow more secure with in yourself and you realize that you are intelligent and talented and have much to offer those around you that you will eventually wonder what happened to that shy young man you once were. :) We believe in you, and want to reassure you that it really will all work out in the end. Don't give up and let us know how it turns out. All the Best.... BW&B

2010-03-15 22:47