Help my brother? Or watch him fall?
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My nearly 50 year old brother has come to stay with us. In the matter of 7 days he lost his job, his house, his wife and his drivers license after getting a DUI conviction.
I took him in because if I hadn't, he would've had no where else to go and he is, after all, my brother.
However, my brother has a very serious drinking problem ( 12 pack a day ), and smokes a pack a day (I quit smoking 7 years ago). But he shows no signs of violent or abusive behavior.
The brother I've not seen in almost 15 years is a total mess. He is missing almost all of his fingers and stands to lose them all after years of being a semi mechanic, coupled with poor circulation from smoking. He can't work, he can't drive. He's moved across states to get here, so disability is going to be a very long process, if granted at all.
My struggle is with his addictions. I feel certain if he does not have the smoking/drinking, he will break down completely. But I can't afford to support his addictions. So..what do I do? I have been struggling to get ahead of very bad financial times and am almost at the end of that fight. Only to start into this one. Do I do the best to carry his "issues" and help him get his own income? (Which, btw he would HAVE to cut back on)...or do I watch him break down from going cold turkey?
Please, any advice

asked by Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2010 - 01:24 | PROVIDE UPDATE

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Answers

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harleygirl:

As hard as it may be, you can't support your brother to your own detriment. Demand that he clean up his act and do what he can to figure out what he can do to get unemployment or SSI. Start cutting back his smoking and drinking rations. If he can't drive, he has no choice, because he can only have what you provide. If he gets violent, tell you'll drop him off at a homeless shelter. End of story.

2010-03-04 09:12
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sweetone:

I would not rely on social security disability. It is very hard to get. I heard they need to have quotas of so many approvals and denials per day, but there are more denials required.

2010-03-04 07:57
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marinemj:

does he have to go cold turkey? see if you can get him into a treatment program. call social services about getting help. and tell him that getting help is a condition of staying with you.

2010-03-04 18:18
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kirra3307:

All of these are good answers, thank you. I'm starting to see that if I have any beer at all in the house, he's going to drink it. He's said he's going to quit smoking and in fact has no cigarrettes, but I am thinking this is going to be temporary.

I can also see that I'm going to have to say something to him about it. I plan to call a disability lawyer tomorrow for advice on that front. Thanks to all for your help!

2010-03-07 13:28