HELP I'M DESPERATE %-( UPDATED!

You sound like the mother who wrote the last few posts about her 11 year old daughter. I do not mean to sound harsh, but I do think she is embarrassed to grow up because of you. Why do you make such a big fuss over her needing a bra or having a period at 11? By the way, you were a late bloomer. Most girls go through puberty much earlier. She may have taken after your husband's side of the family. No, 11 is not too young to have a period. I had my first period at 12, but nowadays many kids are having them earlier. The first few months of starting your period can be irregular. I did not have another period until 6 months later. Why the heck would you get mad at her for having a period? She has no control over growing older. I think you need to take a parenting class that focuses on accepting your child growing up.

My sister and her husband cried when their daughter (I think she was 11) went to 5th grade camp with her class. That was a farewell trip before they went onto middle school. They cried the day she left because going to 5th grade camp was a sign that she was growing up. They felt the loss and accepted that she was no longer their little girl that week.

I agree with the other post that you may need a parenting class to resolve your own issues so you can deal with your daughter in a more positive way. I didn't have my period until I was 13 1/2. My middle daughter had hers when she was not quite eleven, but her sister, who is a year older(and a slimmer build), didn't start for another year. It has to do with body mass, or fat index, or something like that, plus I heard that with farmers putting steroids or other chemicals in their poultry can cause girls to start puberty earlier. You need to calm the hell down and start reassuring your daughter, instead of turning her into a basket case. This is a delicate subject under the best circumstances, and you're turning it into a nightmare for her. You need to give her the facts she needs, and make her more comfortable about the changes she'll be going through. Stop making it so scary! Get some books and start educating yourself so you can be an effective parent.

In response to your update, you could stop looking at her body. Then she will feel more comfortable standing up straight. I used to have excellent posture when I was 13. Then I overheard these girls commenting on how straight I sit. I thought they were making fun of me or something was wrong with it. So, I started slouching and never got my good posture back. I do agree now is the time to do intervention for good body posture. She has to want to stand up straight, though. If she wanted to have good posture, you could tell her to stand straight every time she was slouching so she could get into the habit of standing straight. If she wants to be a model, you could reinforce that you need good posture to be a model. I was not too tall at age 11, but in grade 10 I went from 5'1 to 5'9. All of my friends were short so I started to slouch to feel more at their level. I did not need to do that. I looked more attractive standing straight than slouching. Maybe you could buy a magazine with models standing straight, then comment on how elegant they look without making any comments about her posture. I don't know.

you got mad at her for having her period? shame on you. no wonder she is scared. it's scary and you need your mother's support. you're going to give her a complex about her body as a woman. having your period at 11 is not uncommon--i got mine when i was 11. it's kind of strange to not get your period all the way until you're 17, actually. how about get off her back, chill out, and let her live her life. remind her that you think she is beautiful and that you are proud of the woman she is becoming, for other reasons (maybe she's, i don't know, smart, or athletic, or kind or something). wow.

Remember the movie Carrie with Sissie Spacek? She screamed in the gym locker room when she had her first period while taking a shower. Her mother acted like she was evil for going through puberty.

dude, i hope you're saving up for therapy for you daughter, because you're going to make her as neurotic as you. STOP PROJECTING YOUR ISSUES ON TO HER!!!! life is for living, not for being shielded from. part of growing up are life experiences and how you react to them, whether they are good or bad. if it weren't for you, she would probably be a lot less self-conscious about her likes, dislikes, curves and appearance. is she too young to have her period? duh, obviously not. i was 12, and my daughter was one week shy of her 11th birthday. LAY OFF YOUR DAUGHTER. if you don't, she'll probaby resent you when she's older, if she doesn't already. let her grow, make her own mistakes, discover her own joy and everything else. personally, i think my 12 year old daughter has terrible taste in clothes, and i don't understand at all her obsession with playing the guitar, but i would certainly never tell her so; after all, this is HER childhood, NOT mine. i love her and support her in whatever she decides is her newest passion. by the way, my daughter also has to change for gym this year, and she loathes it. she has mastered the art of stealthily changing one item at a time while trying to show as little skin as possible (and yes, she wears a bra as well). and every gym day, she comes home complaining about changing in the locker room, she also sometimes notes that she has the cutest underwear in her group. and you know what? i think that's ok.

Look at it this way. We are all born in the world to face obstacles. We need to overcome obstacles as life lessons to grow. Obstacles make us become stronger.

You may have read the parenting books, but I don't think they took. Obviously, none of it sunk into your brain. Did you get the ones written in English? Next stop, SERIOUS therapy for your issues before you ruin your daughter. It's like everyone has been telling you, you're projecting your phobias and insecurites onto her and pushing her toward a major meltdown.

jeezum h. crow.

i had my period at 11. no, she's not too young. you know what my mom said? "here's how you use a pad. wow, i can't believe you're growing up right n front of me!" then she took me to kmart and bought me a new top. take a lesson from that.

ok, what i have to say next may sound bitchy and i don't mean it that way. but i feel sort of emotional here because your daughter's problems sound very, very familiar. to this day, i have posture problems because i slouched because of my giant 11 year old boobs. i really, really feel for her.

so here it is: see a therapist. your interactions with your daughter are brimming with reactions brought on by your own insecurities, fears, and neuroses. you MUST stop doing that or she will stop coming to you with problems. you do not want that. so i would suggest some therapy, both individual and family.

as far as the slouching goes, i can absolutely guarantee you that hassling her about it won't work. not at all. so don't do it. the best thing i can suggest is to get her some good bras. i don't care how old she is, if she is more than an A cup, she should NOT be in a training bra. she needs something supportive and comfortable and properly fitted from the women's section. if the jiggle is minimized, she'll feel better.

That isn't right. Tell your mom the truth. Tell her your father isn't cheating.70-432 If she disagrees tell her you don't want to get involved. You should also tell her to stop.220-702 Remind her that you are the daughter and that is your father. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she says stuff like that.640-553 If she says your taking sides tell her you love them both very much and that is why she needs to stop.642-436 This is mostly their problem, not yours. Hope you solve your problem!

That isn't right. Tell your mom the truth. Tell her your father isn't cheating. If she disagrees tell her you don't want to get involved. You should also tell her to stop.000-201 Remind her that you are the daughter and that is your father.000-331 Tell her it hurts your feelings when she says stuff like that.000-973 If she says your taking sides tell her you love them both very much and that is why she needs to stop.JN0-141 This is mostly their problem, not yours. Hope you solve your problem!

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