dont know what to do

Regardless of the intent of her work friend, jealous cave-man behavior NEVER helps. If all it takes to woo away your girlfriend is roses and balloons, you might want to try harder. If you're really worried about her being interested in someone else, being jealous ignores the fact that the problem is between you and her and does not include "Mr Roses". I assure you that anyone at all could send me flowers, diamonds, a house...write "I love you" in the sky, and my husband would have nothing to fear.

If you're worried your girlfriend isn't totally happy, talk to her, if she has issues or concerns, decide if you can change things, and if they are things you want to change about yourself. If she's not unhappy, and she sees the roses as a joke (whether the sender is joking or not), freaking out and beating the crap out of her friend shows her that you think she's lying, and turns a non-issue into an issue of trust.

I'd keep the roses and trash the card too. I LIKE roses. If she were really interested in this guy, I'd assume that she'd hide the roses, or the card, or at least get defensive instead of laughing and keeping them... unless she's trying to send you a message... which indicates interest in you, but also desire for more...but more what? Roses? attention? Ask her.

Dear Don’t Know What To Do,

Fourteen years ago I became interested in a truly wonderful girl… beautiful, intelligent, witty, charming and caring. Let’s call her “The Girl”. Not at all to my surprise, The Girl had a boyfriend at the time. Not a husband, not even a fiancé… just a boyfriend. He was the jealous sort of cro-magnon – let’s call him “Barney” – exactly the sort of fellow that would freak out about the arrival of 2 dozen roses. Barney had numerous other issues and hang-ups and was shortly out of the picture as I began dating his ex-girlfriend.

As it turned out – and again, not at all to my surprise – I was not the only other fellow that was interested in The Girl. There were maybe a dozen other suitors; some more forward than others. Each did what they could to attract her attention in an effort to woo her away from evil old me. Of course I had the standard “confront them all” option available to me as well. However, after briefly assessing my brittle match-stick arms and absolute lack of kung fu savvy, I opted for a more subtle approach (despite the obvious appeal of leaving a trail of limp bodies in my frenzied wake).

One brave chap compiled a mix tape for her. That was my favorite. Let’s call him “Thom”. Thom poured his soul into that tape. I know. Immediately after The Girl mentioned it to me, we put it in the stereo and listened to it.

“Man, this guy sure loves you!” I said as we listened to the songs.

“And he has excellent taste in music. This tape is great! Can I make a copy?”

I still have the tape. It’s very good. I even made additional copies for some of my friends.

On another occasion, as I was leaving town on a trip, The Girl mentioned that another chap had asked her to dinner that weekend – just as friends. I laughed. “Funny. He totally wants you. Have fun and let me know how it turns out.” Of course he wanted her. She was totally wrong. We laughed about it as she told me all of the details when I got back.

You see, my simple and subtle ploy was just to be the best guy - the nicest, kindest and friendliest. The one she most wanted to spend her time with. She certainly had no obligation to be with me or choose me over the others. They were all good guys, and I certainly couldn’t blame any of them for wanting to steal The Girl away from me. I would have done, and had done, the same thing.

Jealousy is a vestigial emotion that worked fabulously while we were evolving and it was still considered socially acceptable to smite your adversary from behind with a stick. “Thag the Jealous wins again, securing the right to Zug Zug Lana! Florg the Kind, yet Hard of Hearing has failed to procreate!” Those days are gone.

Your best course of action would have been to smile, put the roses on the table (roses are nice and smell good), and mention to your girlfriend how you don’t find it at all hard to believe that a guy can fall in love with her after working with her for only a few days. That’s what I would have told my wife (The Girl).

I'm going to assume in this answer that your girlfriend did not freak out, trash the roses and rip up the card. Had she done so, you'd probably have no dilemma at all. So here we go:

Two dozen red roses from a potentially nerdy co-worker is flattering to you. Afterall, your girlfriend is a hot enough property to garner the attention of other men. Congrats, bro.

A card that says "I love you" is poison. Unless you believe the nerdy co-worker is also mainlining a delusional disorder wherein he and your girlfriend have moved from mere co-workers to lovers, someone in the world has a relationship with your with your girlfriend where it's ok spend $50 and exclaim "I love you". Bad, bro.

Alternatively, what if "I love you" was indeed a joke. Let's play that out.

Co-worker: Hey, I'm going to send you two dozen roses and a note that says "I love you."

Girlfriend: Please don't.

Co-worker: Come on, it'll be funny cuz your boyfriend will be pissed and insecure!

Girlfiend: Oh yah! Now THAT'S a great idea!

Conclusion: You are the butt of a joke between a co-worker and your girlfriend.

Is that funny?

Finally, and with regards to your testosterone-fueled ideas about confronting him, let me just say that it is *never* the "other man's" fault your woman is getting cards that say "I love you." And even if you did beat *this* man down, successfully discouraging *this one* from coming around your territory, are you also planning to do this over and over again, for each subsequent suiter? Sounds like a part-time job. Wouldn't you be happier with a woman who put unsolicited roses and cards down the garbage shoot, or who proactively discouraged their arrival in the first place?

You should trust your girlfriend, atleast for awhile. If she starts working late, spending a lot more time at work, more things keep showing up at the house and she tries to hide them from you, then it might be time to worry.

And at this point I would worry more about confronting my girlfriend then the guy.

Red roses are always nice, nice to look at, nice to smell. I am thrifty and just wouldn't throw them away. Why not enjoy them ! As for the I LOVE YOU card, that's a different story! No need for confrontation, just keep your eyes wide open and hope a nerd is not what she is looking for. By the way when was the last time you sent her flowers ?

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