A friend's choice effects MY boundries |
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A very good friend of mine has chosen to go back with an ex-boyfriend. During their relationship, she caught him cheating on her, and in addition to that, she had been granted a restraining order to keep him away from her due to an incident where he verbally threatened to kill her and held her against her wishes as he pleaded his case to her while they were arguing. It was a scary experience for my friend, and all her friends and family strongly supported her decision to get the restraining order, which the judge granted. Since that time, she has tried dating, but made no connections. Recently, she dropped the bombshell that she had removed the restraining order 4 months ago and has secretly been seeing her ex again. Here is my dilemma ~ most all of our friends are supporting her choice to go back with this ex, as they say it is her decision, and because she is our friend, we should stand by her. I am the only one of our friends who thinks this is a grave mistake and would feel like a complete faker being around him. At this point I have kept my feelings to myself. Am I being a non-supportive judgmental friend? I am questioning myself because no one else seems to be as uncomfortable with this situation as I am. We all run in the same social circle. How do I handle the situation of being around them as a couple? Do I remove myself from the group if he is included? Concerned |
Answers
marinemj:i agree with harley. when you talk to her, just be sure to emphasize that you are not judging her, but you are concerned for her safety. let her know you hope things work out for the best, but you need more time to get over how he treated her.
2010-02-11 14:29
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sweetone:Maybe her other friends do not want to make waves. But sometimes people need the real truth whether they like it or not.
2010-02-11 15:33
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harleygirl:
I completely understand your delimna. A restraining order is serious business, and it's not granted lightly. I don't think I could fake happiness at their reunion, either. I would talk to your friend and voice your concerns, and tell her that you would like to be supportive, but you're just not comfortable being around this man. Tell her you would like to have some girlfriend time with her, but you're going to have to excuse yourself from socializing with them as a couple. She may not like it, but you're entitled to your opinion, and when things crash and burn, you can be there to pick up the pieces. Tell her you'll always be there for her.